The Power of Conscious Dating

As a life coach, I often hear from clients about the difficulties of navigating the dating scene in Bangkok. The sheer size, pace, and multitude of options in the city can make it challenging to form meaningful connections. Most of us have had the experience of swiping through endless profiles on dating apps, only to end up on disappointing dates or being ghosted. The potential of something better being just one swipe away can be addictive.
One client reflected on their journey with dating sites, saying, "During a period of breakup when I hadn't fully healed, I found myself constantly checking these sites. Hearing strangers compliment me on my beauty made me feel good and happy, despite many turning out to be disappointments. I realised that I was attracting negative experiences because I felt lacking in self-esteem and self-worth. Once I stopped using dating sites and focused on self-improvement, I began to notice a difference. People who aligned with what I was seeking started to appear."
Online validation-seeking is extremely common and destructive to real self-confidence and relationships. The approval of strangers can seem more important than actually connecting with people in your real environment.
Conscious Dating: A Mindful Approach
Conscious dating emphasises self-awareness, intentionality, and mindfulness in romantic relationships. It's about understanding what you want in a partner, making choices that align with those desires, and becoming the person who can cultivate and maintain the relationship you desire.
It's great to have a list of qualities you seek in a partner, but how many of those qualities do you embody yourself? We need to lead by example rather than expecting others or relationships to fix our issues. I help clients implement conscious dating by guiding them through self-reflection exercises, encouraging them to set clear intentions, take action, and teaching them to communicate openly and honestly with potential partners.
The Role of Alcohol in Dating
Drinking and dating are extremely common in all societies; alcohol is the only drug that if you don't take, people think you have a problem. Relying on drink to ease nerves can lead to difficulties. One client realised that many of his dating disasters stemmed from alcohol use, resulting in mismatched partners, bad mistakes, and awkward mornings after. It is better to meet someone sober, allowing you to get to know them and decide if you would potentially want to be in a relationship. It’s okay to feel nervous on a date and be honest about it, rather than putting on a front and relying on alcohol as a crutch.
Social Situations Without Alcohol
For those looking to navigate dating and social situations without relying on alcohol, there are several strategies:
- Focus on Activities: Choose dates that involve activities, such as going to park, visiting a gallery, or attending a workshop. Getting to know your city and leading an interesting life has benefits beyond dating.
- Be Honest: Let your date know that you prefer not to drink. Most people will respect your choice, and if they don’t, they probably weren't the right person for you anyway.
Be Comfortable in Yourself: This may involve getting comfortable with discomfort if you’re not used to abstaining from drinking. This is the first step towards accepting and developing the strength to create relationships based on who you are, rather than a persona.

It's great to have a list of qualities you seek in a partner, but how many of those qualities do you embody yourself? We need to lead by example rather than expecting others or relationships to fix our issues..
Move Beyond the Apps: Embrace Real-Life Dating
People often hide behind technology because they are scared of rejection. Swiping left and right feels safe, easy, and convenient, but how much time are you really saving? Meeting someone in person means being vulnerable and potentially being rejected. Developing the confidence to face fears and connect in real life will prepare you for navigating more challenging situations in relationships.
Opportunity for Growth
Dating offers a unique opportunity for personal growth. We get to meet ourselves, our desires, insecurities, hopes, and dreams, through meaningful relationships. We only recognise our unhealthy patterns and subconscious assumptions about relationships and childhood conditioning when we are consciously aware. Through coaching, clients can enhance their dating experiences by addressing underlying fears and insecurities, boosting confidence, and overcoming unhelpful behavioural patterns. Attending body language workshops could also be beneficial, as they help you read non-verbal cues and present yourself authentically, crucial for making a genuine connection.
A Swipe-Free Path
Dating app fatigue is a common issue. Here are some tips to combat it:
- Set Boundaries: Limit the time you spend on dating apps and take regular breaks.
- Stay True to Yourself: Be authentic and honest about what you are looking for.
- Delete the Apps: Meet people by engaging in activities and hobbies you enjoy; starting with shared interests is a great way to connect.
With a mindful approach and the right strategies, it is possible to find meaningful connections and enjoy the journey of dating. As one client said, "After I began to heal, I returned to online dating with a clearer sense of who I wanted to connect with. Everything showed up in the right place, marking the beginning of my new journey." This transformation is a testament to the power of self-love and intentionality in dating.